It's interesting to me how the application of pressure to any simple entity can completely transform that object. The degree of which an object changes form as a result of applied pressure provides a lucid demonstration of that object's strength or malleability. For example, if a car crosses paths with a banana, the car will obviously win that face-off. It will splatter that soft source of potassium into oblivion. But if a grand piano fell from the sky, that car would greatly resemble the banana.
Following me?
Well, I sit here PRAISING GOD that it's August 1. July 2013 was a bear of a month for me. Amongst studying for my graduate school entrance exam, working full time, financial decisions, and other changes, I feel like I've been running a marathon. Really, my life has been extra crazy since the beginning of April but for some reason, July just brought the pressure and turned up the heat (both literally and figuratively).
July made me feel like that unfortunate banana lying in the path of that overbearing car. And it hurt. Big time. There were moments that I felt the pressure like never before in my short 23 years of life. And if I'm being real, panic attacks were even a part of that picture. And the thing is, I knew the truth. I knew that God has been faithful to me in MIGHTY ways. In ways that have left me speechless. The past 5 years of my life scream of His sovereignty and faithfulness. So honestly, the magnitude of which I struggled this past month made me angry.
Some people are great under pressure. In fact, some shine in the midst of pressure. I am not sure I would place myself in that category. Actually, I know that I wouldn't. My brain needs time to think and process. Sudden pressure does NOT go over well with me. Just isn't my strong suite. But give me all the time in the world to prepare, and I'm set.
That's the problem.
Life doesn't give you time to prepare. It comes at you like a 90mph fast ball.
I've learned a LOT from that fast ball the past few months.
Which leads me back to that banana. It doesn't take long at all for one to recognize that a banana is not at all obdurate when it meets that car tire. In fact, it splatters everywhere. That pressure reveals what that banana is made of in an instant.
Life is the same way. One day while washing dishes for a good 3 hours at work (where most of my writing inspiration was gathered), it hit me. The marathon I was thrown into was revealing that of which I am made. I was seeing who I am at the very core of my being.
Wow. Talk about a wake up call.
More importantly, I was being provided with a harsh reality of what it is I truly believe about my God and His character. I'm good to go until that car approaches and I'm lying helpless in the wake of it's magnitude.
The pressure was forcing my insides... out.
It's easy to trust Jesus when I can see that my path is clear and without obstacles.
But those moments that shine light on that which lies within us... that prove what we believe to be true in the midst of the storm... Those are the moments that sincerely display what or in whom our trust lies.
And despite the fact we are often greatly unprepared for those moments, those are the moments that matter most.
Looking back over this past month especially, I can easily see the pieces of my heart that struggle to trust Jesus. The parts that, when under pressure, don't exemplify what I know to be true of my God. But you know what? I'm not sure I would have seen those parts of my heart unless it had been broken this past month... over and over again.
So I can reflect and thank God for bringing that "car" my way. After all, I know Him better now. But most importantly, I know that whether I'm crushed or whole, He is the SAME yesterday, today, and for all eternity (Hebrews 13:8, ESV).
Who are you... rather, to Whom do you cling... under pressure?
