I
was that child that always… and I mean, always, asked the infamous
question. It is often found coming out of the mouths of toddlers… but I have
carried the question throughout my entire life.
Why?
I’m
not sure that I inquired as to why the sky was blue or why the grass was green.
Those questions didn’t seem worth my time or investigation. Instead, I wanted
to know why bad things happened or why hard work did not always pay off. I’m
sure my parents were exhausted by the end of the day.
As
I grew older, this questioning transitioned into arguing my point. If my
parents’ reasoning was illogical, they were going to hear it. “Because I said
so” was not an acceptable response for me. Junior high was a bit rocky…
especially as I began to think abstractly about life and how things work.
My
parents were certain that I would be an attorney… or that my unceasing
questioning should at least somehow be put to use. They were so patient with
me. Looking back, I think they humored me more than I realized at the time. I’m
sure someday, I’ll be on the receiving end of all the questions, and I’ll just
smile and brace myself for some interesting years of parenting. And when all
else fails, I’ll just ship the little “questioners” off to the grandparents.
This
past year, however, I’m discovering that there are many questions I have failed
to voice.
At age 24, I think I have
some much overdue questions to ask.
Although
I was reared within the church—and praise Jesus for that—I am not sure I was
ever taught that it was valid and beneficial
to pose my favorite inquiry to God.
It
was almost as if the question “why?” was directly tied to doubt. And doubt was
bad. So although everyone around me was receiving my question, God was not.
But
as I’ve experienced the muck and mire that comes along with living on this
planet, I have learned that it is impossible to go throughout life without
asking God some tough questions.
And
furthermore, I’m finding that maybe God has been waiting for me to ask Him
about the hard stuff. But instead, I’ve often tried to find my own answers… as
if my questions were not worthy of His attention. Maybe I was just supposed to
take Him at His Word, and never wonder beyond that.
But I’m not sure that
mindset allows for much of a relationship.
I
have a handful of close friendships, but none of those relationships were built
without inquiry and investment. Our knowledge of and interaction with others is
only as deep as we choose to dig. If we never asked each other “why?”—our
relationships would be pretty lacking.
One
of my biggest struggles is small talk. I can only do it for so long before I
want to vomit. That’s a pretty strong dislike, I know. The first month of
college was rough… every conversation consisted of “What’s your name and
major?” and that was about it. I remember thinking to myself that if this is
what it looked like to start over in friendships, I didn’t want any part of it.
Eventually,
some of those small talks led to incredible conversations and later, great friendships
that God has used to immensely mold and shape my life.
But at some point, there
had to be a transition in conversation.
Sometimes,
I think I’ve missed that transition in my relationship with God.
I
know the facts.
I
can recite Scripture up and down.
I
know how to pray.
But
what I’m finding I’ve often missed is the act of diving deeper into the heart
of God.
After
all, isn’t that what our questioning does?
It
creates an opportunity for us to delve deeper into our relationships. To refuse
to settle for small talk and superficial nonsense.
What if God has simply
been waiting for me to ask Him some difficult things?
What
if He’s been waiting for me to pursue His heart for me? To pursue His heart for
the world?
Questioning
another demonstrates a desire to take interest in his or her life, thoughts,
and dreams.
I think I’ve missed out.
I
was recently told that God doesn’t fear our questioning. And actually,
questioning in and of itself is not unbelief. Rather, it demonstrates desire to
better understand.
And understanding leads to
deeper relationships.
I
may not always get a black and white answer (I love those), but at least I’ve
asked right?
At
least then I’ve done my part to build a relationship with God.
A
relationship that consists of depth and trust because I’ve taken time to ask
Him the hard stuff.
And
although I may not always get answers to my questions, I will learn more about the character of my God and get a deeper look
into His heart.
And
just maybe, the answers I need aren’t really answers at all.
Maybe
I just need to open up a deeper conversation with the God Who created my heart
and knows it best.
And I would say that’s
worth it.
I
think it’s time I get back to the art of asking, “Why?”
