Saturday, July 9, 2011

Bloom Where You Are [Planted]


I have never had much of a green thumb. I guess I have never really needed one but I have always found the art of cultivating the soil to be quite fascinating. To have the knowledge of how it is that one particular species of plant life grows and all that it requires to reach its full potential of bloom—would not only be enjoyable but also beneficial for the one that possess the skill. But maybe it’s more than that. What if an invaluable secret laid in the understanding of how it is one thing grows exactly where it is, or should be, planted.

But that’s just it. The tree, shrub, flower, herb—has no ability to plant itself or even to know or understand what it is the planter is doing. All it can do is its part… to establish its roots and grow, right where it’s at, wherever that might be. No control over climate. Soil. Environmental factors. Just to wait, sink in its roots, and grow.

Easier said than done.

What I find to be so intriguing is the transplantation process. Depending on the purpose or need of the plant and the aim of the planter, plants are able to be and are often, relocated. With proper care and consideration, the plant can be uprooted, transported to its next destination, and replanted. Of course, the plant has no jurisdiction in this decision. It can, however, determine the manner in which it will respond to this new environment and rattling, ground-breaking experience. 

You see, the planter would never uproot it only to leave it to die. 

He understands the soil, the climate, the whole shebang. He knows the design of the plant, the limits and strengths. He is familiar with the needs, prospective downfalls, and maximum potential of that which he has moved. The true, well-learned planter would not transplant if he knew the desired location was not appropriate or in the best interest of the plant. But even plants that are thriving are, at times, caught up in this transplant process. This is a curious thing to me.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have the mind, understanding, or perspective of that of a planter.

In J.R.R. Tolkien’s, The Lord of the Rings, Gandalf the Gray comforts the young Frodo as he sets out to embark on his journey to Mount Doom with these words, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” 

We all come with an expiration date. It is innately weaved into our very DNA. But sometimes expiration doesn’t mean death per say. It can refer to the ending of a season, of a chapter, of a position in this life. No one calls the shots. It’s a funny thing because we think we do… until we’re uprooted or lose something we can’t replace. We dig our roots down deep and grow but not only do we grow, we become comfortable. The soil becomes our home, our security, and at times… our identity.

Identity is a painful thing to uproot.

Purpose, however, is universal when the plant is at rest in the hands of the planter… wherever it may end up in the ground.

The planter is not naïve to the reality that complications may arise when uprooting the plant from its original soil. The plant might go into shock while being unaware of why its roots can no longer grasp the soil. At least, not for the time being. The plant may die before transplanting because of hope seemingly lost. The planter knows he is taking a risk but does so because he has a purpose and vision in mind. 

A good purpose.

Most often it feels like the exact opposite. It feels wrong, it stings, and sometimes, it even seems evil. It [plant] didn’t ask to be relocated and frankly, would be quite content to remain right where it’s at. In fact, now that it has been forced to budge, it recognizes that moving will be more painful than it ever imagined it would be. The soil has hardened around each root making each individual tear even more excruciating than the first.

Are we not the same?

The winds of change blow, a storm is on the horizon. The heart can almost sense that something monumental is about to occur. The roots of the soul are ripped from the ground as all we have known disappears in the distance. The landscape shifts as we slowly approach the ground. Our new home. We struggle. We thirst for our old, familiar soil… for the way we could prepare for the habitual, life-giving rainfall. The last thing we want to do is settle down. But what other choice do we have? We pull ourselves up and muster all the strength that remains within to drive ourselves down deep. We get acclimated to the area and go about our days as we always have. 

But for some reason, that doesn’t cut it. We somehow know we were made for more than just getting by.

Our routine, our home, our surroundings, our “climate” have all faded into different shades of earthy tones. We almost don’t know what to do with it. Before we know it, we start to shrivel… almost to the point of death. We literally suffocate ourselves as we refuse to allow the new soil to nourish our bones. 

We shut ourselves off from the rain, the grace—that could be ours. 

We become dry, cracked, and useless. Sooner or later, the surrounding soil will not even sustain life. We have forgotten what it feels like to taste the joy of fresh rain, the excitement of new scenery, the thrill of adventure. 

We have forgotten what it means to truly bloom.
 
As I have been reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts I have continued to be broadsided with tough, powerful truth. [I would recommend the book to anyone and everyone.] Today’s road trip called for some reading and I was hit hard with this: 

I know there is poor and hideous suffering and I’ve seen the hungry and the guns that go to war. I have lived pain, and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks…Why would the world need more anger, more outrage? How does it save the world to reject unabashed joy when it is joy that saves us? Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn’t rescue the suffering. The converse does. The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest Light to all the world. 

When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us? The clouds open when we mouth thanks.

The ability, rather—the gift—of blooming is not determined by our lack of preference in location. However, we often allow it to cause us to be jaded and unwilling to try. I have replayed this challenge in my mind countless times during the past few months. I have been so convicted as I have realized more and more that although I have taken root in a new place, rolled with the punches, and wanted to bloom… I have not. At least not as fully as I could. I have allowed my soil to become parched and have slowly, from the inside out, begun to close myself off to the blessings of fresh soil and new rains. My expectations, my longings of what I thought would be, what should be my reality, have caused me to begin to whither. 

But my Planter knows me better than I have [ever] known myself… and He saw fit to bring me to this new piece of land. And He prepared the soil before I even arrived. 

What would it look like if I lived as though I truly believed that were true? That my Planter has had my good and ultimately, His glory, in mind all along?

This is just another day in the life… Learning to bloom where I am [planted].

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Give me GO[o]D.

I recently listened to a Matt Chandler sermon that rocked my world. I have not been able to shake the truth and beautiful brokenness of what he shared. So I have yet again been on a journey of processing and digesting the depravity that is this heart of mine... and the steadfast Hope that is my God. Thanks for taking the time to walk with me.

For those of you that know me, you know that I have been on an expedition through a season of suffering for a few years now. However, by no means do I think that what I have faced recently is the worst it could be for me... but it has been a painful process nevertheless. Praise God that the pain of this life does not go without provision of peace, patience, and perseverance for those who are His children.

Pain has a way of forcing you to take a step back. To step back and gain a greater perspective of the chaos drowning out the growth, hope, and strength that can be found amidst the storm. C.S. Lewis put it perfectly, "Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." I know firsthand that statement could not be more true.

Slowing gaining perspective within and beyond this trial has caused me to ask and honestly consider what it is that is truly driving me. What or who is my driving motivation in this life of mine? But that's just it. My life is not my own. If I am being sincere, sometimes, I don't know what it is that drives me. What it is that gets me out of bed in the morning. As I continue to go throughout my days where my health is uncertain and unstable (although it was never within my control), I quickly have discovered the truth of what Chandler shared in his sermon on suffering-- "If it's [motivation] not in the Cross, if it's not His life imparted to me, if it's not in His resurrection, then I don't have any chance."

Which brings me to my next continual battle...

What do I really believe? What do I believe about my God and His character? Forget my circumstance. No matter what is going on around me, in what or whom would I bank it all on? Bet my life on? Up until my freshman year of college, I had a relatively simple life, without much I had to struggle through. My faith hadn't ever really been tested or tried. Everything in my life had gone pretty well. Looking back, it really was a walk in the park.

Do I believe that God is good? Do I believe that God is faithful? Do I believe that I am His?

When it's all said and done, am I a student, daughter, friend who is His? Or am I, in the end, [simply] His? What is more important to me? What I get to do for God or God Himself? Of all the things Matt Chandler said within that sermon, that statement has continued to resonate deeply within the darkest, most desperate parts of my soul. I praise God that He will not allow me to shake that convicting, yet vital decision of submission I have to make... that we all must make, from my mind. Whether we blatantly decide to elevate ourselves above our God or subconsciously deny His lordship and sovereignty in our lives, we are all making a choice of who is on the throne of our hearts... whether we realize it or not.

With all that said, I know what the Bible says about suffering. And many Christians today would be shocked about what the Gospel has to say about the "problem of pain." In fact, in the Gospel of John, Jesus even goes as far as to promise us that we will have trouble in this world [John 16:33]. Pretty sure that verse alone shatters the concept of the ever-growing Prosperity Gospel. But there is an immense difference between simply knowing and ruthlessly trusting.

Throughout this period of refinement, one of my biggest wrestling matches has been recognizing that I am entitled to nothing in this life. Absolutely nothing. The things and comforts I have lost, relationships that have been distanced, and plans that have been destroyed in the process of my illness have been a harsh awakening of my mortality and lack of control. The multiple changes that have occurred as my illness progressed have quickly woken me to the realization that nothing I had or have now, is my own. My job is to steward and [continually] surrender... not to stamp with my ownership and seize control. I deserve nothing but death. That alone is what I as a depraved and fallen sinner, am entitled to. By His grace, God has far surpassed what I should ever have come to know... new life in Him, hope for a pain-free life eternally, and the blessing of enjoying the people and possessions the Lord has given me to take care of.

So the truth is, I have lost nothing. None of it was mine to begin with. The people and things that have always been most dear to me... my family, my friends, my health... are my God's. "I have a duty to God in them," as Chandler states. It has been a bitter but ultimately, sweet walk with my Lord the past few months as He has begun to lessen the weight and free up my hands of all the things I have felt not only entitled to, but also absolutely accountable for.

So it all comes down to this... Do I want God's goodness? Or. Do I want God? Will I choose to chase after His blessing and lose sight of His beautiful character and in the end, be left in an empty state of counterfeit privilege and entitlement?

Trusting in circumstance will leave one on a roller coaster ride of death. Change is the name of Life's game. Trusting in God's character will leave one in an unfathomable state of peace and strength... amidst the roller coaster of change. Our God alone is immutable. He never has or will... change.

The blessing of "good" from our God is not displayed by how easily and painlessly we can make it through this life. The evidence and goodness of our God was demonstrated forever in the Cross of Jesus Christ. That, friends, is the epitome of unconditional love.

I do not believe that God gave me this disease or illness but He most certainly could have stopped it and has chosen not to. I am human and therefore, will never understand that. Nevertheless I will choose joy. Nevertheless I will hold fast to this Hope that is firm and secure [Hebrews 6:19]. Nevertheless I choose to trust that no matter the circumstance, my God works ALL things for my good [Romans 8:28].

It is ALL for my good and for HIS glory.

Just give me God... for He is the essence of Goodness.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

[Who is] Your Mirror?

Right now my church, Pathway, is going through the book of James. I decided that I would read through it over and over, throughout the sermon series. It has quickly become one of my favorite books of the New Testament.

James 1:19-25 says,

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do no merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it- he will be blessed in what he does."


From a very young age, we learn that taking a quick "mirror check" is what one does before leaving the house. I am pretty sure I have never left the house without doing so. It is second nature. It's as if we allow this piece of glass to determine our worth, as our reflection silently proclaims whether or not we are "put together" enough to face the day. Whether a good or bad hair day, this image is usually what sticks with us...

Needless to say, I was pretty convicted after reading what James had to say concerning where our focus should rest. I quickly realized that, far too often, a piece of glass that can shatter in an instant takes more priority in my life than "the perfect law that gives freedom." And the latter does not fade. Or shatter. Or disappear. Or distract. Or distort. 


"But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it- he will be blessed in what he does."

Look intently. The Word of our God gives freedom like no earthly piece of glass can ever give. But don't just look once and walk away. Continue to peer through the pages of the Word of Life. At times, the reflection may be painful, and not exactly what we hoped to see as we are hit with the drastic truth of our depravity. But the Gospel does not stop there. This perfect and priceless Mirror paints the most beautiful picture of Grace you have ever seen.

Who is your mirror?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Two for One.

I am my father's daughter. Always thinking, ever-analyzing, my wheels never cease to turn. It is mind-boggling how I end up conjuring dazzling, deep, and detailed meanings from simple everyday objects and experiences. Although quite odd at times, I praise God for those unexpected, random moments that He uses a seemingly meaningless moment to give me a different, refreshing glimpse into His heart... for opening my blind eyes to those things my Creator made for me and gently placed in my path to truly see Him for who He is... Ultimate Beauty.

Needless to say, I love those things with double-meanings... they sure help to keep this wandering soul focused on my Destination. I lose perspective like it's my job. The waters rise and the storms rage and just like that- my perspective sinks to the depths of the sea. Living in a world like this, one must have a battle plan. It is nothing less than vital.

I discovered very early on that I am a full-fledged visual learner. If I see  something even once, chances are, I will remember it. I quickly integrated this with my plan of attack- to weather even the most treacherous of storms.

Because if you haven't figured it out yet... life is full of them.

So about three years ago, I began to "wallpaper" so-to-speak, the "walls" of my life. Items such as my cellphone, laptop, desk, car, and on the serious war-zone days- even my hands.

I desperately needed to see reminders of hope, truth, and grace wherever I looked.

For those who know me well, know that anchors are my thing. After all, they are pretty cool lookin'. But it's deeper than that (no pun intended). I was reading the book of Hebrews a couple years ago and came across Hebrews 6:19- "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..." referring to the hope in the power and promise of Jesus Christ.

So now do I not only see steadfast and secure strength when I see this symbol, but also something I so ardently need and desire- HOPE. And this hope does not disappoint [Romans 5:3-5].

Praise God for practicalities such as this to keep me deeply rooted... because recently I have seen anchors EVERYWHERE... and immediately the Son shines upon my gloomy outlook and perspective of despair.

Isn't our God GOOD?

I have debated starting a blog for quite some time now. I am in a continuing season of refinement- and refinement requires much processing. I process as I write... and need to be in a better habit of doing so. God is teaching me too much for me to allow these moments to slip by only to be swallowed up by busy schedules and demanding time lines.

So I'm going to give this blog idea a shot. We shall see.

Of course, I didn't want the title to be simply thrown together without purpose... so I have been pondering for awhile. I began to think about what seems to be the theme of all I have been learning these past three years...

TRUST.

In the midst of overwhelming and undesired circumstances, I must have a foundation. A foundation that can withstand fire, storm, and the deepest of heartaches. After demoing a few potential "promising"candidates, I have seen firsthand that my Savior Jesus Christ is the One and Only survival remedy- no matter the reading on the rector scale.

My only option in the midst of the chaos? ...Trusting Still.

Despite what this life throws my way, my God asks that I still trust His WORD, for it alone endures [Psalm 130:5; Isaiah 40:8]. I have seen people and things I thought could be trusted, relied on without reserve, crumble from underneath me in an instant.

But the Love and Word of my God knows no end.

And that enables me to continue in Trusting Still. To shout from the rooftops an unashamed proclamation of "nevertheless".

But this type of reckless trust demands further surrender. This naked and vulnerable dependence pleads with and cries out to us to be STILL. To hand over the reigns to the One who sees beyond the horizon of our shallow skies. To present our deepest, dearest desires, fears, "entitlements", and dreams to the Creator of the human soul. To stop striving for control and success and start to be still in the promise that in HIM all things hold together [Colossians 1:16].

To be still in His presence and in our pursuit of Him... to trust in Him.

So this is me and where I am at in this journey called life. No matter the storm, by God's grace, I will continue in trusting [Him] still.