Sometimes I feel like my life is one giant collision. For lack of a better phrase, sometimes, life just hurts. Really badly. At times it's as though I've hit a roadblock, gone into a ditch, and continue to roll and roll and roll...until everything suddenly stops. Numbness begins to sink its grip into the very veins of my heart. Collisions are never good...or are they?
For those that know me, they most likely know that I'm my biggest critic. Basically, no one else ever needs to tear me down...for the record, I've got it handled. It's in the bag. No problem. Most days, I find it hard to believe that I'm doing things right...especially in the aspect of relationships. That's my biggest issue. I guess you could say perfectionist or that I just hold too tightly to those around me. Call it whatever you want. I'm finding that it's more than that.
Ever heard the saying, "It's when life is at its worst that you see a person for who they really are"? Completely true. Couldn't have said it better myself. Life has thrown me a few curves lately. And quite frankly, I've cringed a bit with what I've begun to see. Things in my life that need to be destroyed. Demolished. Redeemed.
As a critic, complacency has become quite recognizable in my own life. It shines pretty brightly actually. It's had the spotlight lately. Not too hard to miss. Man alive, I frustrate myself to no end! It's quite ridiculous. Why do I settle? My prayer has been that God would open wide my eyes to see all that He has for me. And He most definitely has. The doors of my heart have been blown open in the past year. It beats for more than it used to. It's full of passion, life, and purpose...like it never has been before. Yet old habits creep back in.
When I hear the word "complacency," I immediately think, "back to normal." That's just it. Normal. That's something God is NOT. Nor is the life that He has called me...or any of us to live. We are made for more than that. We were made to collide.
The thing about change, struggles, and trials is that they cut into our heart...leaving it open for healing to occur. Before, the hurt was shut tight in the deepest, most tender parts of our very souls. That's where the collision comes in.
Although collisions are painful, they also expose us for who we truly are...underneath all of the masks, barriers, and wounds that we strive so strongly to conceal. The old is scraped away, leaving new, raw, and tender flesh that begins to replace our old and fake exterior. Because you can't be two things at once and live the life of peace, joy, and freedom that Jesus Christ has given to us. The old must go and the new must come. God is the source of new life. He IS life. He alone makes all things new.
Jesus never promised His disciples that life would be easy, simple, or laid back. Rather, He says to "Pick up our crosses and follow Him." I'd say that is no walk in the park. It's a battle. A fight to survive. But Jesus doesn't stop there...He also said He'd never give us more than we can handle. In a way, that's pretty cool. The more we go through, the more God must think we can manage...but not without Him, of course. He also said He'd never leave us. As our world shifts and life changes in the blink of an eye, my God never changes. Sometimes, that's the only thing that keeps me going.
So are you willing to collide? To run straight into the power and love of our mighty God? Yeah, it'll hurt. It'll smart for awhile. The layers of what we've held onto for so long will slowly be pealed away. The real will be unveiled. But as I'm coming to find...you only emerge stronger than you were before. Are you up to the challenge? Go ahead. I dare you. God's looking for a head-on collision.
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